Eulogy for JoAnne M. Gary, January 20, 2024

Kevin A. Gary

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"You people" - You know she is looking down on us right now saying that - "You people"

Such a simple phrase captures the essence of a person who was sometimes frustrated by how the world evolved around her. It harkens back to a simpler time - Moms were home, raised their kids, were always there.  All Moms are moms of course, and are always there for their kids; but the way we go about it has changed. That is fine, but there is something quaint and powerful about JoJo - all she ever wanted to be was a Mom - that was the defining arc of her life. And me, John, Corby, Missy, and my Dad were the better for it.

Mom and Dad were a unique couple. As kids, the "lovey-dovey" we'd witness would be instances of Mom trying to get us off to school while it was still dark and she hadn't had her coffee - you can imagine her mood. Then Dad would bound out often with shaving cream still on his face, whistling or singing Englebert and try to go up on his toes to give her a peck on the cheek - and Mom would give him the look and just shout "Jack!"

JoJo was an old school tough-as-they-come woman - they don't make 'em like this anymore. She was so strong and I learned so much from her not only as a child but as an adult - how to raise my kids, how to deal with the stresses of adult life. You look at your parents when you are young and think they are Super Heroes and just know how to solve every problem and take care of every need. As you grow older into an adult you understand their humanity and how strong they are as you continue to use their guidance as you face the challenges they did before you. My mom was so strong - brought up in a different time in South Troy, raising 4 kids, losing my Dad far too soon, enduring the challenges that come with age, and showing us her strength to make the transition to God in her last moments. Showing us the way.

But she was also a modern new-age woman. Politically correct, she enjoyed social media, "texing", and using 50 remotes to control her TV. I marveled (as did her nieces and nephews in my Aunt Fil's 90th birthday video) at her proficiency with the iPad. Oh how I'll miss seeing her forehead on FaceTime calls or trying to hear her with a thumb over the microphone.

JoJo loved spending time with her friends throughout her entire life. "They say" - actually come to think of it, I guess there is no "They" - "they" is really JoJo saying it right? - so "JoJo" always said "You marry your Mother". She liked to call my wife "party girl", but JoJo was the original party girl. She always had fits of FOMO, hating to miss any gathering of friends. Those special friends in this town who shared school events at Gardner-Dickinson, church events here at St. Jude’s, or little league games at Twin Town. Who parented me and my siblings' friends and shared the collective joy and burden of raising families in Wynantskill. JoJo's recent decline in physical health affected her happiness. She missed her friends - all of you - so much - she missed golf, the red hats, seniors, and just getting together with the girls. She enjoyed her time so much with all of us, and that is why we will miss her now that she won't be there.

JoJo loved family. Everyone loves family - but I mean she really *loved* family. It was the center of her life. She loved to make big dinners for family – she made every one a special occasion. The freezer was always stocked just in case a busload of family (or cousin Joe) would suddenly show up. There’s still a ham in her freezer now.

If you paid attention, you would notice she would always address a niece or nephew, especially the younger ones, as "MY", as in "MY Mae and Georgia", "My Anna", "MY Xavier and Zoe", "MY Martin", "MY Jack", "MY Allie", "MY Alex", "MY Julia", "MY" <I could name all of you if I had the time>. The possessive is appropriate, as she had an individual relationship with each one of you, things only you could share with her, from crocheting to old movies to chicken parm to those thoughts and feelings in your heart I hope you hold on to forever.

She came from an interesting family - her mom Anna, Dad Joseph, and later stepdad Walter "Poppy" Apple. Joseph and Anna fostered four children - Joe, Bob, JoAnne, and Carol. My Uncle Joe was older, fun-loving, and enjoyed great times with my Mom and Dad on visits after returning from travels around the world. My Mom recently told me of the love and guidance her brother Bob provided particularly in her youth and formative years after the early passing of their father.

Aunt Carol; what an interesting pair you sisters are. You're not quite alike (understatement) - but you gave me the line: “fun, feisty, and faithful of heart” - you are that too, that is what you have in common. Over the past few years when I've visited, I've eavesdropped as you sat and chatted with my Mom - I was listening - and found it fascinating how you shared stories about older times, bygone friends and relatives, CCHS, South Troy. I heard that and started to understand how strong the ties that bound you.

All of her family here and those who have gone before were so important to her, and not at anyone's expense I'd like to talk to a few of her "best friends". Aunt Fil, what you two gals have gone through together over a lifetime is impossible to describe. We are so glad you had each other. Mare - my Mom always went to you when she needed an ear, or to give one. When my Mom was on the iPad doing FaceTime for 3 hours, I stopped asking who she was talking to - it was Mare. I know it has been sad for her to be unable to visit more in recent years. Katie – to me you are a mini-JoJo – nobody got away with teasing her like you did. I can't say how much you have meant supporting her, and us, for such a long time.

Christmas was always a special time for us because my Mom was so much about Christmas. The huge gatherings at the house Christmas mornings when we were young where in some particularly "festive" years the Polacks would break out in song - everyone was so happy to be together. Christmas Eve was the most special night of the year for her, representing the traditions that tied her to her upbringing and passed on to us. Lottie, Marty, Uncle Dave and Aunt Carol gave Mom such a wonderful Christmas Eve this season, really Mom's last good night on this Earth. She was so happy, thank you. Mom was a reformed Scrooge, carrying the Christmas spirit year-round. I would be in Arizona in August when I'd get a call from my Mom: Now "Kev, this is important: I need to know what to get the kids for Christmas this year." She was just a little put off when I'd say "Mom it is 120 degrees out here in Arizona and you're talking Christmas?? C'mon!". She would throw up her hands at me and get all flustered "Well, I guess the kids won't get anything from me this year!" and hang up the phone. But then the phone would ring a couple of days later - "Now Kev, this is important..."

On behalf of my brothers John and Corby, and my sister Missy, we thank you for being here. We were blessed to have JoJo as our Mom, fortunate that she had the courage to raise and support us without my Dad for 37 years. Our Mom allowed us to be individuals, to pursue wildly different paths, and knew each of us in only the way a mother can. It will be hard to figure out life's daily trials without her.

A big shoutout to my sister Missy, you all know she has been JoJo's primary caretaker the past several years, working tirelessly to support her medical challenges but also to just be there for everything. Mom had multiple best friends (only JoJo was allowed this) but just last year she told me you were her best friend, something that you wouldn't believe would be said not too long ago. You've grown so much, you are so strong, and I love you dearly. Your debt is paid Melissa, it's time to go forward.

To her grandchildren Cameron, Zachary, Patrick, Trinity, JT, Krystian and Equinox - it will be OK. This is the natural order of things. It is how God intended and how the world works. We are all still here for you, and your grandmother will watch over you with great love and interest as you brought her great joy.

For me, “they” - *JoJo* always said "Home is where your Mama is". I moved away long ago, but I've always missed home, and missed my Mom. I'll keep home with me, right where I'll keep my Mom - in my heart always. 

JoJo may be gone, and a big void is left behind - yet she promised me (often) she would haunt us! I will think of my Mom now every day as I do my Dad, it never fades. I beg for my father's guidance when trying to parent my own kids. "Not for Nothing, but" I don't think I'll have to beg JoJo - she is gonna let me know. I know when I am alone having a chocolate chipper, Stewart's ice cream, or making chicken parm, she'll be there.

I invite you to take some time in the coming days, months, & years when you have your coffee & contemplation, wine & wonderment, watch an old movie, read the Flame & Flower, listen to Englebert, or crochet on the couch to Judge Judy - to quiet your mind, listen for JoJo, and she will speak to you.

And you know what she'll say...   "...YOU PEOPLE..."

Who are these people sitting in front of me?

I really need to blog more often. Sometimes I plan to do it, but the planned time eventually gets absconded by something else. So I am blogging today because this just hit me as I was grading a quiz.

Why do our students today feel as if their education gets in their way?

I know from many colleagues at educational conferences, from my wife who is a high school teacher, and from reading informal literature (blogs, articles, etc.) that there is an evolving perspective from educators regarding their students. Some say students have become too arrogant; others say too detached (ok, lazy); and others blame unpreparedness (or effectively an indictment of the educational system as a whole - I gotta riff on that one day). I have participated in a great many of these discussions, sometimes agreeing, sometimes disagreeing, but always walking unfulfilled - "we haven't quite hit it on the head" I think to myself.

So you're probably wondering about now if I have had an epiphany on the subject, ala Homer Simpson wandering in the snowbound woods.

No, not exactly, but I do have a new thought. The perception I have of students now is that they just do not think of themselves as students. Not first at least - they are entrepreneurs, husbands, wives, employees, community service volunteers, disabled persons - you name it, first. They simply do not identify as being a student. Coming to campus and participating is something that gets calendered in around everything else that has a higher priority. My office hours now are generally filled with students who come in and ask for ways to not do work, or have an alternative plan, or simply to get advice on what they perceive is a unique, externally created constraint on their education. But it is all self-inflicted. I hardly ever get anyone that comes in for assistance anymore with the course material, nor do I have students willing to make up for technical deficiencies on their own time (how many Javascript tutorials can I post? You gotta go do it!).

"Dr. Gary I am going to miss class this week because my boss asked me to help HR at the recruiting fair"
"Dr. Gary I need a makeup exam because my 3rd cousin once removed on my mom's side decided to get married on a Tuesday at 11am" (yes this one really happened)
"Dr. Gary I can't make class today because I am very tired. I worked a 12-hour shift followed by studying for 4 hours and was up until 2am playing XBox"
(course eval) "Dr. Gary's class is so hard. I spent 4 hours per week on homework (I ask for 9), we all have jobs you know"
"Dr. Gary I am sorry I didn't conduct the class project as you required, I was busy starting my own company on the side. I will do better next year." (Of course you will I informed him, because you will be back with me in the same class).

Now of course students come to you with valid personal situations, so that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about their identity. They just don't self-identify as students, they do not internalize that identity into their value system which in turn impacts their daily business. Some colleagues and I are submitting to an NSF program whose purpose in part is to connect students to their profession. Unfortunately NSF has it all wrong - I don't need to connect my students to their profession, I need to connect my professionals back to being students.

A few bumps on re-entry

Anyone who knows me knows I hate flying. So, they probably think a lead-in like that means this just ain't going to be a pleasant post. At the same time, I am locally famous for my excited "rants" so perhaps it was enough to get you to tune in!

Actually I thought it time to post something as it had been a while, and a lot has been going on. Most notably, after surviving a year of administrivia as the Associate Chair for Computing in the Department of Engineering, I was granted a yearlong sabbatical to work in the Bioengineering initiative of the Sheik Zayed Institute for Pediatric Surgical Innovation at the Children's National Medical Center in Washington D.C. (yes, quite a mouthful - their biz cards are a roll of toilet paper!).


Turn off all portable devices until we reach cruising altitude...

The academic sabbatical is another one of those concepts that everyone seems to understand but few define the same way. Everyone understands they want one, but the purpose and conditions for granting one vary person-to-person, and institution-by-institution. I hear stories of folks who go on sabbatical and do absolutely nothing (other than visit family or build a garage), others who go on extended job interviews, others who get it as some sort of reward for performing an unsavory task (hmm, like being Associate Chair?), and then those who actually have a lot of work to do on their research program. Fortunately most folks fall into the last category (I think I am split between the last 2 actually).

Going on a yearlong sabbatical cross-country with a family of 5 (6 if you include the dog) is a daunting task. We had to relocate, the wife had to home-school, and I had to get used to a 75-minute car-subway-shuttle commute twice a day. Fortunately it all worked out - we rented a nice townhouse in Northern Virginia, rented out our own house, the kids returned to school further ahead than their peers (a credit to my wife), and I actually enjoyed commuting through our nation's capital. Everyday I came up out of the Metro in Union Station, looked to the left at the Capitol, and got on the shuttle bus. I liked the hustle and bustle of an east coast city. Being able to show the kids historic places in D.C. and all along the east coast was just a phenomenal experience you cannot get in Arizona. But yeah, rain and winter still suck... 

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight... 

From a career perspective it was quite humbling. But I learned that unless you are willing to humble yourself, tear down the structures of pride we build over the years, and be willing to go back to square one, then you cannot be truly successful. One look at my CV would show anyone I took an unusual route in terms of experience (grad school - industry - grad school - tenure-track - industry - tenure-track), location (back and forth between D.C. and Arizona 7 times now) and scholarly areas (automated software process, software architecture, image-guided surgery, software engineering education, agile methods, open source, yada yada yada); I am the academic equivalent of a kid with ADD. But I enjoy it, and to do it you have to be willing to jump in on new areas without fear, and with humility. In other words, I had no idea what I was doing the first day I walked into the hospital.

What fun though! Some things I expected - clinicians are extremely dedicated, hard-working, and intelligent people; I was challenged everyday! Some things I didn't - despite the dollars associated with research and development in healthcare, I found the deployed technology to be decidedly antiquated. The poor IT infrastructure, the lack of any systematic approach I could find to integration in the surgical theater, and the ad hoc way of communicating and validating requirements were all shocking to me. A caveat; I say deployed technology, there were many mind-blowing research seminars in-house I attended, conferences and workshops to go to with engaged researchers, and the extremely talented research staff in the bioengineering lab to interact with on a daily basis; the research is there, but the path to technology transfer is a high-risk landmine.

Looks like I picked the wrong time to stop sniffing glue... 

I've definitely sniffed (and inhaled) the smoke of open source and agile development. I've worked in open source in both industry and academia, and am amazed at its ability to spawn practical innovation at a rapid pace. Likewise agile methods spawn innovation with an accountability-driven, people-first model. However, due to the inclusive amorphous definition of both practices, each faces challenges by bandwagon-jumpers. A number of vendors now offer "partial open source" solutions to generate opportunities; everyone has their guess on the best open source business model I suppose. My real issue with these offerings is the lack of true egalitarian community formation; they instead try to create a community of dependence to which they can upsell. It is like Boomer Esiason's famous quote about working with Al Michaels on Monday Night Football: "Al's a team player, but its Al's team." Agile methods also suffers penalties from its inclusiveness. While there are "Manifestos" and books on agile "best practices", agile remains a process model without rigid boundaries and therefore it is hard to identify. Many folks claiming to do Agile select from the best practices ala carte, or even worse have no process at all and claim it is agile.

Why is this relevant to my sabbatical? Because I am interested in the impacts of open source and agile methods on software architectures for safety-critical software. As both open source and agile methods have amorphous boundaries, I am interested, from a research perspective, one how much (or how little) of each practice is needed to efficiently create safety-critical software. I am also interested in how communities form around areas like safety-critical software for surgery, versus other safety-critical areas (like say, missile systems). I spent some time on this over sabbatical, and wrote a few recent publications, though these are just the tip of the iceberg and I hope to delve into them more systematically in the next few years.

Hurry up and use the potty, because we are starting our initial descent...

And then just when you are getting into a rhythm, the sabbatical ends. A year (really 15 months) seemed like a very long time when I was starting, but boy it sure seemed over in a hurry. I have no idea how one does something productive in a one-semester sabbatical. It reminded me that not only is humility required, but stamina and persistence as well. Many friends and acquaintances over the years had no idea I had a Ph.D. or was a professor, and would have this "oh you must be really smart" reaction - but I always tell them what I learned long ago as a graduate student: earning a Ph.D., or performing any significant research, requires stamina and persistence, and only a small amount of intellect.  

Thank you for flying sabbatical air, wherever your career may take you, we hope you choose us!

I sure will, I sure will...

All, in all, there was some unexpected turbulence, but it was an outstanding experience. Perhaps the most difficult thing has been returning - there have definitely been a few bumps on re-entry, as my title suggests. Just as you feel like you are gaining ground on an exciting research direction, you are slammed with classes and service and students and...life. But all the more reason to remind myself that the research is a marathon not a sprint, and I endeavor to find a rhythm within the constraints of my other obligations, as I enjoy those pursuits as well. As part of establishing this new rhythm, I hope to spend more time posting to this blog, and I promise fewer of them will be essays on my personal career journey!  

Muddy, Bluddy, and still a Fuddy

I was invited to a brown bag lunch with the Dean today and a few fellow faculty. The topic was mentoring of junior faculty, which reminded me that I had not posted a followup on my blog to last year's entry about being "drug through the mud." So here goes.

A colleague of mine who likes to stop by and tease warned that I would have a case of the "tenure blues" after it was finally decreed I am worthy. He suggested life wouldn't really change, and you would wonder what the hubbub was about. He was right - to a degree. As I alluded to in the pre-tenure entry, it had gotten to the point that tenure was no longer seen as the peak on the mountain. I would still wake up the next day, put my pants on one leg at a time, and go about my business. I distinctly recall after being summoned to the Dean's office, that I had to run immediately to my next meeting. There was no pause for reflection, no trumpets blaring as I strutted with my new status into the room - there was only the business to attend to.

At the same time, I also distinctly recall the Dean's expression and tone as he paused and said to me (and my colleague Mary, who I am so happy for!), "make no mistake, this is a huge deal." In that moment the enormity of it hit, even if it was fleeting as a hustled off to my next task.

As we talked about the ways to advise and mentor junior faculty, I surprised myself at the platitudes that came out of my mouth about what is really important. I believe it is important for junior faculty to work on what they love, not count the beans, and worry more about constructing a story. But each individual has her/his own story, so it is important to get that story out. Otherwise, if you sound like you are telling the same old story, you will get evaluated the same old ways, and there is nobody to blame for that but yourself. I remember hearing such esoteric advice as I was pursuing tenure, but only now do I understand how true it is. the problem then, is to help translate that message into tangible action. I'll suggest the following loosely connected tidbits:

1. Have a plan. "Publishing 2 journal papers per year" or "getting an NSF CAREER award" is not a plan. Those are artifacts of the plan; residual effects borne out of the process. My chair in my intermediate probationary review had a conversation in the hallway after I turned in my 3-year binder. He said (paraphrase) "Kevin, tenure is not about what you are working on today and whether it got published or funded or whatnot. It is about whether you are worthy of the investment. And to be worthy, you have to show that you can succeed in whatever it is you choose to do tomorrow." And to me the way to do that is to show you can device a plan and execute on it no matter the challenges that arise.
2. Don't get too much advice. We talked in the Dean's conference about just how damaging some senior faculty can be with seemingly innocent comments. I mentioned that I had "rabbit ears" (a baseball term for hearing what fans in the stands are saying about you), over interpreting what senior faculty said and considering behavioral changes because of it. Yes, get mentored. Do not get advised. And above all, don't deviate from the plan because some dinosaur stops by with a wisecrack about the process.
3. Tenure is not an evaluation on your career. I understand now why some people leave academia before getting tenure. I understand why some people leave after getting it. Tenure may be an evaluation on whether you and your institution and a good marriage, but I know several excellent faculty at this institution and others that were initially denied tenure elsewhere. While the process is taken seriously, the end result, whether good or bad, is not "you're great" or "you suck"; it is merely "you are a good fit." Maybe that is where the letdown my colleague spoke of comes from.
4. Tenure is not an evaluation of life. Even more seriously, we have all read reports of tragic events when someone is denied tenure. To a certain extent, I do understand the passion and effort and blood/sweat/tears that goes into the career, and I do realize it is a bit disingenuous of me to say after getting tenure - but if you look at the tenure process as a judge and jury on your life - well get a life. While I was quite proud when the Dean said "this is huge", and I know I would have been very upset if the outcome was negative, I would hope that greater balance in life and confidence in self would have allowed me to move forward.
5. Reading, writing, and arithmetic. Remember the 3 Rs? Why do I mention them here? The best concrete advice I heard while going through the process was "write a little bit every day." Anyone who knows me well knows that I think publishing is a bit overrated in academia (my Dean would disagree), and maybe I'll blog some other time on that. But writing is a fantastic, thought-organizing exercise that everybody should do. I need to get my students to do it more. So don't necessarily write to publish, but pull up a Wiki and organize your thoughts in a coherent, provoking style. Then when it comes time to publish, you'll be ready. My first graduate advisor years ago taught me the importance of reading. She said her advisor told her she should read 2 journal papers every day. While I don't have the time to do that, I do try to set aside time each morning, when I am most receptive to ideas others are trying to convey, and read something thought provoking in my field. I find that I have to keep my notebook by my side when I do because the ideas just flow (if it is a good paper). And don't waste your time with bad stuff. If the paper stinks, don't finish it; your time is too valuable. I don't care who wrote it. Finally, arithmetic to me means, stay technically active. I worry about this given the burden of my administrative duties, but no matter what continue to practice your craft. Even if you go through an old text, pick up something new, even if it is not a research activity - stay engaged in the practices of your profession.

Most of all - do what you love. The luxury of the career is having that choice. No matter the burdens of the job, and there are many, I can tell you from my years in industry that academia is freedom, at least as much of it as you can have outside cubicle walls. So craft your story, and stick to it.

So here I am, muddy, a bit bloody, but standing. I am an Associate Professor, I am an Associate Chair. And I am the exact same person I was the day before I got tenure.

Drug through the mud?

Or is it "dragged through the mud"? While I was a graduate student a professor of mine made that statement with respect to the academic tenure process. Actually he said it was like getting dragged naked through the streets in the mud. Surprisingly, he left the university before actually going through tenure - perhaps he didn't want to go through that, or maybe he just decided it wasn't worth it after all, or maybe something better simply came up. I don't know.

But, a dozen years later I find myself disrobed and muddy after completing, just this evening, the final assembly of all of my materials. It is not all that dissatisfying though, and not nearly as painful as I was led to believe. The key word there is believe. If you can look yourself in the mirror each morning, and can honestly say you have acted on what you believe - then that is all you can really do. 6 years ago I left a fair amount of money on the table to return to academia for one more shot. But I told myself that I was going to impact academia with what I believe - that we do not prepare our students for industry, that we are too often self-serving, and that the individualistic approach in academia has long been disproven by all types of communities that are far more efficient. I enjoyed assembling my P and T packet because it reminded me that while I have not built the highest and whitest ivory tower for all to see, I have acted true to the values that I still hold dear. And if academia doesn't want me after that, well, ... their loss.

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Is there Sawx Magic this year?

Anyone who knows me knows me as a card carrying nutjob of Red Sox Nation - and proud of it mind you! So where do I stand w.r.t. Sox' playoff chances, especially in light of that juggernaut whose name I won't say?

Well, my answer is that I am not without hope. But a lot of things have got to come together at just the right time. The Sox have shown the capacity, at times, to be deservedly called an elite team. Lately they have been playing very well (perhaps in streaks). Theo made some fantastic deadline deals, they have a great homefield advantage, and some players who have not contributed are now contributing (hello Dice-K, Bucholz, and yes Big Papi).

Of course there are reasons to doubt them as well. Can Alex Gonzalez hit like he has the past 2 months? Will Ortiz go back into a funk when the spotlight turns back to the steroid allegations (which they undoubtedly will once they are on primetime TV night after night)? Are Lester and Beckett healthy going into the playoffs? And what do you do with Wake?

But these are all sideplots. To me the playoffs will boil down to a few simple deciding factors:

1. We believe we have the best starting pitching, a near-best bullpen. Do we? These are our hole cards without question, and we need it to come up aces.
2. Nobody wants to say it, but boy do we miss Manny's bat in the lineup. Not one word from me about wishing he was here, I don't. But Ortiz-Ramirez struck fear into every opponent, and could change any game when their turn came up. Every Sox fan in the last 5 years, in a close game, would count batters before these guys got up again. Youk and Bay are wonderful players, but we won't see the likes of that duo again for a long time to come.
3. Let's face it, these playoffs are more about those damn Yankees than it they are about us. If they play the way they have been playing, who is going to stop them? Nobody. Especially in that bandbox BS little park they play in (another post on that later). A-Fraud, CC, Burnett, Texiera all have to show they can do it on the big stage under the bright lights. Does CC remember 2007? You bet the Fenway Faithful will remind him.

In the end, these playoffs are the Yankees vs. the Yankees.

p.s. Am I overlooking the Angels. you betcha