Eulogy for JoAnne M. Gary, January 20, 2024

Kevin A. Gary

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"You people" - You know she is looking down on us right now saying that - "You people"

Such a simple phrase captures the essence of a person who was sometimes frustrated by how the world evolved around her. It harkens back to a simpler time - Moms were home, raised their kids, were always there.  All Moms are moms of course, and are always there for their kids; but the way we go about it has changed. That is fine, but there is something quaint and powerful about JoJo - all she ever wanted to be was a Mom - that was the defining arc of her life. And me, John, Corby, Missy, and my Dad were the better for it.

Mom and Dad were a unique couple. As kids, the "lovey-dovey" we'd witness would be instances of Mom trying to get us off to school while it was still dark and she hadn't had her coffee - you can imagine her mood. Then Dad would bound out often with shaving cream still on his face, whistling or singing Englebert and try to go up on his toes to give her a peck on the cheek - and Mom would give him the look and just shout "Jack!"

JoJo was an old school tough-as-they-come woman - they don't make 'em like this anymore. She was so strong and I learned so much from her not only as a child but as an adult - how to raise my kids, how to deal with the stresses of adult life. You look at your parents when you are young and think they are Super Heroes and just know how to solve every problem and take care of every need. As you grow older into an adult you understand their humanity and how strong they are as you continue to use their guidance as you face the challenges they did before you. My mom was so strong - brought up in a different time in South Troy, raising 4 kids, losing my Dad far too soon, enduring the challenges that come with age, and showing us her strength to make the transition to God in her last moments. Showing us the way.

But she was also a modern new-age woman. Politically correct, she enjoyed social media, "texing", and using 50 remotes to control her TV. I marveled (as did her nieces and nephews in my Aunt Fil's 90th birthday video) at her proficiency with the iPad. Oh how I'll miss seeing her forehead on FaceTime calls or trying to hear her with a thumb over the microphone.

JoJo loved spending time with her friends throughout her entire life. "They say" - actually come to think of it, I guess there is no "They" - "they" is really JoJo saying it right? - so "JoJo" always said "You marry your Mother". She liked to call my wife "party girl", but JoJo was the original party girl. She always had fits of FOMO, hating to miss any gathering of friends. Those special friends in this town who shared school events at Gardner-Dickinson, church events here at St. Jude’s, or little league games at Twin Town. Who parented me and my siblings' friends and shared the collective joy and burden of raising families in Wynantskill. JoJo's recent decline in physical health affected her happiness. She missed her friends - all of you - so much - she missed golf, the red hats, seniors, and just getting together with the girls. She enjoyed her time so much with all of us, and that is why we will miss her now that she won't be there.

JoJo loved family. Everyone loves family - but I mean she really *loved* family. It was the center of her life. She loved to make big dinners for family – she made every one a special occasion. The freezer was always stocked just in case a busload of family (or cousin Joe) would suddenly show up. There’s still a ham in her freezer now.

If you paid attention, you would notice she would always address a niece or nephew, especially the younger ones, as "MY", as in "MY Mae and Georgia", "My Anna", "MY Xavier and Zoe", "MY Martin", "MY Jack", "MY Allie", "MY Alex", "MY Julia", "MY" <I could name all of you if I had the time>. The possessive is appropriate, as she had an individual relationship with each one of you, things only you could share with her, from crocheting to old movies to chicken parm to those thoughts and feelings in your heart I hope you hold on to forever.

She came from an interesting family - her mom Anna, Dad Joseph, and later stepdad Walter "Poppy" Apple. Joseph and Anna fostered four children - Joe, Bob, JoAnne, and Carol. My Uncle Joe was older, fun-loving, and enjoyed great times with my Mom and Dad on visits after returning from travels around the world. My Mom recently told me of the love and guidance her brother Bob provided particularly in her youth and formative years after the early passing of their father.

Aunt Carol; what an interesting pair you sisters are. You're not quite alike (understatement) - but you gave me the line: “fun, feisty, and faithful of heart” - you are that too, that is what you have in common. Over the past few years when I've visited, I've eavesdropped as you sat and chatted with my Mom - I was listening - and found it fascinating how you shared stories about older times, bygone friends and relatives, CCHS, South Troy. I heard that and started to understand how strong the ties that bound you.

All of her family here and those who have gone before were so important to her, and not at anyone's expense I'd like to talk to a few of her "best friends". Aunt Fil, what you two gals have gone through together over a lifetime is impossible to describe. We are so glad you had each other. Mare - my Mom always went to you when she needed an ear, or to give one. When my Mom was on the iPad doing FaceTime for 3 hours, I stopped asking who she was talking to - it was Mare. I know it has been sad for her to be unable to visit more in recent years. Katie – to me you are a mini-JoJo – nobody got away with teasing her like you did. I can't say how much you have meant supporting her, and us, for such a long time.

Christmas was always a special time for us because my Mom was so much about Christmas. The huge gatherings at the house Christmas mornings when we were young where in some particularly "festive" years the Polacks would break out in song - everyone was so happy to be together. Christmas Eve was the most special night of the year for her, representing the traditions that tied her to her upbringing and passed on to us. Lottie, Marty, Uncle Dave and Aunt Carol gave Mom such a wonderful Christmas Eve this season, really Mom's last good night on this Earth. She was so happy, thank you. Mom was a reformed Scrooge, carrying the Christmas spirit year-round. I would be in Arizona in August when I'd get a call from my Mom: Now "Kev, this is important: I need to know what to get the kids for Christmas this year." She was just a little put off when I'd say "Mom it is 120 degrees out here in Arizona and you're talking Christmas?? C'mon!". She would throw up her hands at me and get all flustered "Well, I guess the kids won't get anything from me this year!" and hang up the phone. But then the phone would ring a couple of days later - "Now Kev, this is important..."

On behalf of my brothers John and Corby, and my sister Missy, we thank you for being here. We were blessed to have JoJo as our Mom, fortunate that she had the courage to raise and support us without my Dad for 37 years. Our Mom allowed us to be individuals, to pursue wildly different paths, and knew each of us in only the way a mother can. It will be hard to figure out life's daily trials without her.

A big shoutout to my sister Missy, you all know she has been JoJo's primary caretaker the past several years, working tirelessly to support her medical challenges but also to just be there for everything. Mom had multiple best friends (only JoJo was allowed this) but just last year she told me you were her best friend, something that you wouldn't believe would be said not too long ago. You've grown so much, you are so strong, and I love you dearly. Your debt is paid Melissa, it's time to go forward.

To her grandchildren Cameron, Zachary, Patrick, Trinity, JT, Krystian and Equinox - it will be OK. This is the natural order of things. It is how God intended and how the world works. We are all still here for you, and your grandmother will watch over you with great love and interest as you brought her great joy.

For me, “they” - *JoJo* always said "Home is where your Mama is". I moved away long ago, but I've always missed home, and missed my Mom. I'll keep home with me, right where I'll keep my Mom - in my heart always. 

JoJo may be gone, and a big void is left behind - yet she promised me (often) she would haunt us! I will think of my Mom now every day as I do my Dad, it never fades. I beg for my father's guidance when trying to parent my own kids. "Not for Nothing, but" I don't think I'll have to beg JoJo - she is gonna let me know. I know when I am alone having a chocolate chipper, Stewart's ice cream, or making chicken parm, she'll be there.

I invite you to take some time in the coming days, months, & years when you have your coffee & contemplation, wine & wonderment, watch an old movie, read the Flame & Flower, listen to Englebert, or crochet on the couch to Judge Judy - to quiet your mind, listen for JoJo, and she will speak to you.

And you know what she'll say...   "...YOU PEOPLE..."